“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.”
I’m no Dickens, and I’m not telling you The Tale of Two Cities.
And yet…
Stop for a moment and feel me here.
Does this quote not remind you of relationships? You know? In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Oh, sorry. Not that beginning. Where was I?
Oh yes! In the beginning, there were flowers and candle-lit dinners. In the beginning, your heart beat faster and there was mystery and thrill. And it was marvelous.
In those early days, the connection brought you into a heightened sense of vitality and aliveness. You felt heard, seen, charmed, and charming.
Your partner was beyond human, weren’t they?
I hate to break it to you. It wasn’t them (at least not completely, and not consciously).
It was that powerful cocktail of chemicals and hormones coursing through their brains and bodies that LITERALLY gave them this superhuman energy to show up as their most radiant selves.
Ok Mike, I’ll play along… so it wasn’t entirely them. They weren’t entirely conscious, and yet, it truly was the best of times.
And yet, was it? Was it only the best of times? Or did they (and you) have your not so “polished” moments? The moments when they came home burning on the inside with disappointment or jealousy and gave you a piece of their mind, letting you know that you are banished from their good graces… or something to that effect.
And that you… need to change… need to pay for it…
That they… are so angry at you… can’t forgive you…
And so it was… the worst of times.
Yet, when we are in those early days, the powerful cocktail of hormones and chemicals cause us to look with forgiving eyes towards our partners (they call them rose-tinted glasses for a reason).
They weren’t all that conscious, and you weren’t that conscious either. You got high together and crashed together.
And now… you are here…
And that… is the best thing that could have happened to you…
Are you feeling that I have completely lost you (and my marbles) here?
Bear with me… back then you felt so good. So do addicts when they are under the influence. In fact, science shows your brain on infatuation is similar to your brain on cocaine.
You were a happy addict on a love fix. You were a slave to the happy hormones.
Here’s the best part, now… you may not be feeling as happy, but you are conscious and you are free.
From this place, you now have the chance to consciously create bliss and connectedness that you can call upon, not only in your relationships, but also in your life ANYTIME, AT WILL.
I am here to help you achieve that.
And that is the best thing that can happen to you. Wouldn’t you agree?
Before we deepen OUR relationship, here’s the part where I need to confess something very important. I am not a relationship coach. In fact, I am not a coach…
I don’t have a bunch of lines that you can practice to liquify your partner’s guts and have him or her waiting on your every move. I will not recommend sex positions, date night theatrics, or even communication and bonding tactics.
I am not here to teach you techniques to apply externally in your relationship or with your partner.
I am a spiritual guide and healer. I am interested in helping you master your inner world. I am passionate about helping you access your divinity…
I am here to help you take that journey within… where the wild mushrooms (no, not the magic mushrooms) and fairies live.
Or more concretely put, I am here to help you regain the magic and wonder that is ever present in your every day.
And when you do, you will infuse the sacred living force into your relationships and every aspect of your life.
In this post, I will give ONE GOLDEN RULE and the 4R technique that you can apply in your life immediately to unlock your inner Gods and Goddesses and the sacred power of connectedness in your relationship.
Golden Rule: THE WORLD ISN’T HAPPENING TO ME. I AM A FORCE THAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD
See, you are thinking that the chemically induced bliss in early love was the best thing that happened to you because you might believe:
- Feeling good is the highest good, and if you’re feeling good it must mean you are on the right track in life.
- Life happens to you. People and situations cause what you feel.
When your heart OR your mind believe either of these, you will spend all your time and energy chasing people and situations that cause you to feel good.
That may bring tasty fruit, for a while, but it is never… ever… consistent and its fruit will always turn bitter and sour.
And just as those people and situations can cause you to feel happy, they also can cause you to feel unhappy.
And what is more….
You have enslaved yourself to your feelings.
You have surrendered your choice and power to the choices of others.
You may feel that you are unhappy because of your relationship.
Go deeper with me here….
You are not unhappy because of your relationship. You are not unhappy because of this situation or that….
You are actively bringing unhappiness into your life by chasing people and situations for a dose of temporary happiness.
And so truth is, you live in an unhappy state with moments of happiness.
You can choose with me a more empowering state. You can choose to believe that YOU ARE THE FORCE THAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
You can stop here and take this belief system with you into your life. You and I both know though that words will stay words until that belief system is fully integrated into your heart, your mind, and your very way of being.
That is where the real power of these words is.
So.. if you’re up for going all the way, here are the techniques to do so:
Technique 1: RELAX & VISUALIZE
Words will remain words until you are able to snap out of your automatic state of being and tune into the new state of emotions and sensations connected to those words.
To do that, relaxation is an absolute key.
I want you to pause…
Right this moment….
Take three, long, smooth, clearing breaths.
Take your attention to every body part, from your feet, to your legs, hips, stomach, back, shoulders, hands, arms and fingers, neck and head and breathe into that body part, expanding it with vitality and light. Breathe out, relaxing and releasing the stress and tension.
When you feel you are in a state of relaxation
Close your eyes and imagine how it would look and feel like if you believed that you are a force to be reckoned with, that you cause the world around you to happen…
What would you be doing? How would your life be? Who would you be?
Set your timer for 3 minutes, close your eyes, and visualize it.
Technique 2: RELEASE
For today, you will let go of depending on them to do or say the right things. You will instead be the force that does or says the things that make you both better – REGARDLESS OF HOW THEY ACT OR REACT.
Can you see how your body feels different, your mind feels more powerful, you have more focus?
That choice has a much more powerful ring to it, doesn’t it? It feels strong to believe that. It feels sexy. It feels downright seductive to believe that.
This is where most people leave you, and if you stop here, this is where the feeling will die at the first moment where something else comes into your energetic field and pulls you in a different state.
That is because you haven’t learned how to anchor this new state.
Set an intention. I don’t mean a wish. I mean a decision…. A commitment to yourself…. That for today, all the interactions you will have with your partner will be from this state.
The key is not to try to force your action. It is to remind yourself of this state that you are in right this moment. Whenever you find you have lost this state, set your timer for 2 minutes and bring yourself back to this state.
Technique 3: REFLECT
At the end of the day, take out your pen & journal and set your timer for 10 minutes:
- Where were you able to act from the belief that you are the force happening to your world?
- Where can you improve? What were the moments you know you did not act from this belief?
No shame or blame. You are retraining your subconscious. It takes time and you will fall. That is a fact.
Spiritual masters, martial arts masters, and the world’s most powerful people retain their objective balance and look at their wins and areas of improvement without judgment.
Allow yourself the time to learn to do that.
Technique 4: REPEAT
It takes daily, consistent repetition to retrain your subconscious.
Repeat this practice for 21 days.
HOW WILL THIS CHANGE MY RELATIONSHIP?
Ok ok Mike, so all this sounds neat and all. But a relationship is a two-way street. How will this help me with my relationship RIGHT NOW?
One thing is for certain, trying to “control”, “convince”, “coerce” the other person is something that will surely never work.
The only person you have influence over in your relationships is…… you (yeah a Captain Obvious moment here I know).
By transforming your very state, you are GUARANTEEING THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT STAY STUCK IN THE SAME PATTERNS. Why?
Well…. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT THE SAME! Your feelings and behaviours are no longer predictable and you are no longer participating in continuing the same patterns you were both stuck in that were causing you all this pain.
By changing you liberate yourself from the control your emotions and other people have on you, you will choose from a place of personal power and joy.
Instead of choosing to react to the hurt you are experiencing, you are choosing to act inspired by the vision of the person you want to be…
You can tease or joke lightheartedly. You can use the power of loving eye contact and touch. You can hold your own and calmly and firmly set a boundary.
AND….
You will have the space….. Space from your reactions and your feelings to see clearly.
Truth is, there is no guarantee they will change. There is no guarantee you will stay together.
There is every guarantee however that:
- If there is a chance for your relationship to reach its full potential, this is the ONLY WAY.
- At every moment, you WILL HAVE THE CLARITY & ENERGY TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES.
- You will finally experience lasting joy.
- You will become a magnetic force that attracts high quality people into your life.
And believe me when I say it, you will not wish it any other way!
What stands between you and this new way of being is a powerful choice….
It is your choice….
RECAP
- Take 10 minutes in the morning to Relax, Visualize & Release
- Take 10 minutes in the evening to Reflect
- Complete 21 consistent days of practice.
So,
- Pull up your calendar now and schedule those 20 minutes for the next 21 days.
- Save this post on favourites or print it out so it is easily accessible to you.
Make it easy now and plan it in.
I know the fruits of this new belief will literally transform your very emotions, thoughts and energy. As you integrate this belief system, you will radiate beauty, power and calm.
Give yourself this gift. This gift of time; the gift of committing to your joy.
Much love,
Mike
Other content that might interest you:
Understanding Stress and Reactivity
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